I’m at work and it’s a slow, quiet, cold, rainy Sunday afternoon.  I wouldn’t think of posting except that there is nothing to do at the moment and there hasn’t been for several moments. :D

Happy eighteenth birthday, Kate!! :) *hugs*

We watched Rebecca last night.  What a movie! I liked it.  It was good.  It makes you want to live an adventure though.  Or write.

I have been in a writing mood for a while — of course, now that November and 2009’s NaNoWriMo is over.  But I am planning to do some writing soon anyway.  And aim for NaNo 2010 instead! ^_^

I shouldn’t do this for long so I’ll sign off now… until later! :)

Ahh.  My room is clean.  It has needed a good cleaning — straightening up — for a while.  I’ve been busy.  I love it when it’s dark outside and I sit in my cozy, tidy room in the lamplight.

The day after tomorrow — Wednesday — I start at the library!! :)  I’m excited.  I have 12 different outfits I can wear that are librarian-appropriate and the tops and bottoms can be mixed and matched to make more outfits.  I have wanted to work in a library since I was about fourteen.

I am engaged. ♥♥  Mike gave me a beautiful ring at Gettysburg on Saturday and asked me if I would be his wife!  I said yes. :) ♥♥  The tentative wedding date is September 4th, 2010 — and, failing that, the spring of 2011.

Can one write 10,000 words in one evening?  To catch up to where they should be for NaNoWriMo?  I hope to find out tonight.  I feel writerly.

I’m starting the Twilight books from Mike’s sister Julie, who is crazy about the series and had me watch the movie — it was really good!  REALLY good.  I liked it.  How do some writers do it?  I want to be a writer.

I want to be a wife, mother, homemaker, and successful author.  What more could I ask for? :)

  • The sermon at Mike’s church today was very good.  I really enjoyed it.  Pastor Dale is a real inspiration when it comes to LIVING OUT your faith.  I wanted to take notes.  Sometimes we all need a reminder that God has already given us all the tools we need to live our faith, that He loves us and wants us as we are (not when we are good enough on our own) and that really, faith is just going as far as you can see and waiting to be shown the next step.
  • I want to serve.  I am asking God to use me now.  I’ve been selfish.  My life has been a little topsy-turvy recently, but God has seen me through and I have learned a lot and now I want to serve.  I’m not the first on my list anymore.
  • This afternoon I woke up from a nap and the sun was shining on the hill outside my window, and the yellow-orange leaves still clinging to the tree branches were bright and all aflame and carpeting the grass on either side of the road.  And I thought, “How pretty.”  It made me happy. :)
  • Mike is just about the most wonderful guy in the world.
  • NaNoWriMo is HEEEEERRREEE!! I am 5 minutes away from beginning my novel.  Tell me “Bon Voyage” and off I go!!

Adieu! ♥♥

Sunday, October 25th, 2009:  I am turning over a new leaf.

That is, I’m going to get myself back on a schedule if it kills me!!  Even if my job situation is up in the air, even if I have to fly by the seat of my pants sometimes, I am going to break the bad habits of un-productivity and lack of ambition!  Even if my plans go awry, I am going to keep my eyes open and do SOMETHING useful, helpful.  I am also going to begin applying in earnest the lessons I have learned about selflessness, serving, and standing strong in my convictions.

Of course, I am going to start today, not tomorrow… I’m just sayin’.  LoL.  I slept in today but I get up with the kids tomorrow so my goal is to get to bed at a decent hour tonight and start my early-to-bed, early-to-rise routine.

Hold me to it, guys!! Goodness knows I need all the help I can get. :D

I have an interview at the library next Tuesday afternoon, October 27th, for the circulation assistant position!!

I have wanted to work in a library since I was about 14.  Could it be that it’s the one job where I will love to go and feel at home?  Books always make me feel at home.

I’m anxious, hopeful, praying… and praying some more!  Maybe by this time next month I’ll be playing librarian, AND bringing home a paycheck. ^_^

…why are they so often the unproductive ones?

Today I’ve mostly read… dressed late, lunched, and took a beautiful walk with my little sisters… read some more, just cleaned my room… and now I’m writing.

It’s been a SPLENDID day.

The weather is gorgeous… blue skies, sunshine, mild temperature and just breezy enough to send golden autumn leaves occasionally twirling onto Avonlea Road.

First I read in my Bible and then some of Everyday Grace. Then I read some in Chris Baty’s witty novel-writing guide.  Then the walk, lunch, and then I lost myself online in reading my cousin Melanie’s wonderfully entertaining and funny novel, A Lupine Summer. She is such a great writer.  Surely she is (and hopefully I am!) destined to become a renowned authoress!

The one and only problem is that we were both born in the wrong time.

Perhaps we have been misplaced into this time because we are supposed to bring the world and our modern society a breath of fresh air.

Perhaps that is my calling.  And why my most splendid days are really not the ones where I have anything to show, except how I lived and what I thought and what I gathered to share with others someday.

October 15th — yesterday — and October 16th — today.  First snow  of the year.  Pennsylvania doesn’t usually get snow in October.  Not that I recall.  But it’s been a strange year.

It is a sunny Wednesday morning in October.  Everything is beautiful.

I am learning SO much lately… sometimes it seems I am learning and thinking so much at once that I can’t contain it all.

And how is it that my life is more or less what I always dreamed of, prayed for, hoped for?  Maybe not in the little details, but in the big things that count?  How do I deserve that?

Or isn’t it just that God is good and He puts the desires in our hearts for the life He has planned for us and who He has made us to be?

It’s wonderful. :) ♥♥

…with no mistakes in it. :)

That has always been one of my favorite quotes of all time and something more important to me than almost any other truth!  So simple and yet so saving.  For someone who has always struggled with her own mistakes, feeling less, carrying blame for a long, long time and fear of regret, it’s something I have to remind myself of very often.

Do you know what I am happy for?  Infinitely grateful?  Forgiveness.  God’s and everyone else’s… and even my own, when I can manage. ;-)  God’s forgiveness means that He doesn’t hold anything against me but loves me just the same today as He did the day I was born.  Others’ forgiveness means that bad memories are forgotten as though they never happened, and only the good ones remain; that the love that decided to forgive and forget brings you together stronger than ever before… closer each day and into the wonderful future.

The hardest person I ever find to forgive is myself.  I can’t let things go.  I replay them and feel worse and worse each time.  I harbor regret and reproach for myself that only grows with each time I remember a way in which I wasn’t what I should be; wasn’t my best.  I fear that I have spoiled EVERYTHING FOREVER, to some degree.

But then I realize that I am the only one who hasn’t forgiven me.  God promises to forgive, and He is perfect.  Those who love me gladly and sincerely forgive, because they, like me, are NOT perfect.  And I also “forgive them their trespasses” when the shoe is on the other foot.  That is love.  That is how relationships grow.  There will never be a relationship where no one makes any mistakes.

So the last thing to do is to forgive myself.  By accepting my mistake, my failure, and letting it go.  Realizing that every day is fresh — every hour — even every moment.  It is a joy-filled truth.

Yes… I confess.  I love the Barbie movies.  And the Disney Princess movies.  I watched my first fairytale when I was already 19… and I’m sure I couldn’t have loved it more if I was 9.  What girl doesn’t love fairy tales — old or young?

Today was Vicky’s 5th birthday and we watched Barbie and the Diamond Castle. As I watched, I was convinced that things haven’t changed much after all since girls loved Anne of Green Gables and daydreamed about The White Way of Delight.  There is something about fairy tales that speak to who we were made to be, I think.  They are allegorical to the way the world should be — where good triumphs over evil, where women are princesses and men are princes and know their own and others’ inherent worth.

Fairy tales are all about believing.  I know that there are some who believe that fairy tales are detrimental to Christianity or to young minds.  I suppose that without a good grasp of reality, they could be.  But with the perspective of learning a lesson — or several — and realizing that God’s gifts are the “good magic” that work in real life, to conquer, to save and to create beauty and joy — then I think that fairy tales are infinitely valuable.

“Hidden beneath the ground
Is the spring that feeds the creek
Invisible as the wind
That you feel upon your cheek

And every breeze that whispers
Reminds us constantly
Sometimes what’s real
Is something you can’t see

Believe in all that can be
A miracle starts when ever you dream
Believe and sing from your heart
You’ll see
Your song will hold the key”

I suppose I am someone who has realized what believing really is and what it means.  Without believing, there is no reason to live.  It’s something you don’t know unless you experience the loss of all that you believed in — only to gain it back.  It is a slow process, full of change, shadows, and light… but once you come through on the other side it is something you can never lose again.

It reminds me of some song lyrics I wrote the last year we lived in Maine, Light and Shadows:

“Once upon a time, when shadows played with light,

And every day was just a happy song…

Then, everything you knew, you knew that it was true

And fear was short, but months were very long.

But as the years keep flying, you notice you start trying

To see the light and shadows as you saw them once before.

‘Cause now they seem to struggle; they each try to win the battle

And, instead of play, the light and shadows wage a subtle war.

You try to build your way; you want it to be strong;

You work and then you try to hold it tight.

But when your hands grow weak, your eyes want to stop seeking

And then you long to just rest in the night.

It’s when it all escapes you, it’s when it overtakes you,

It’s when you let it slip away and you look up to the sky,

That Something comes to hold you and a quietness enfolds you

And you know someday you’ll see the shadows playing with the light.

Yes, you know someday you’ll see the shadows

Playing with the light.”

Next Page »